This week's reoccurring theme is discipline. When I say reoccurring theme I mean the repetitive message God keeps bringing to my eyes, my ears, and my heart. It comes from all directions: sermons, radio talk shows, Bible Study, conversations with friends and family, etc. Sometimes I get it, other times I chalk it up to coincidence (aka, denial).
This week God revealed something to me that is probably pretty simple, something that most of you have already grasped and understand completely. Discipline is for my own good.
How many of us have looked our kids in the eyes and have said "I love you too much to let you continue________________" or "I am disciplining you so that you will learn ______________". I know I have. And with 4 kids it happens several times a day. This Sunday, our pastor talked about teaching our children to obey us. He explained that when our children don't know how to obey and honor authority, they grow up not knowing how to honor and obey authority including the Lord God himself. I don't know about you but I want to raise respectful, other's-minded, humble kids who love the Lord with all their heart. In essence I love them, so I discipline them.
When my youngest daughter was about four or five, she had done something that required discipline (I can't remember what), so I sent her to her room and called her down a few minutes later to give her a spanking. As I turned her around I noticed her back side was lumpy and very well-padded. While she was upstairs, (knowing she was about to receive a spanking) she had stuffed her pants full of socks.
Isn't that what we do when we try to avoid the discipline of our Father? We know we did wrong, we know the consequences, but instead of thinking "this is for our own good", we decide to pad our backside. Or, like so many children, we cry out "God, this isn't fair, you're mean!" But oh how we get it all wrong.
I admit, sometimes I will discipline in anger. I will raise my voice, threaten empty threats, and give the evil mom eye (you know the one...the one that says "you better knock it off now" without ever saying a word). God, on the other-hand, NEVER rebukes in anger but always in love. He never impulsively sends us to the corner or smacks our hands. He never raises His voice or spurts out threats that never come to fruition. Our Daddy is firm, yet gentle; unyielding, yet trustworthy. The Bible says, that we should count it a blessing when we face the Lord's discipline "because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son" ~Hebrews 12:6. The Lord's discipline is evidence that we are His children. And just as I say to my children, "I love you too much to let you do that or act that way", God lovingly looks at us and with a soft whispers says, "I love you so much that I am going to show you a different way."
So next time you face a trial or difficulty or maybe even a consequence of a bad choice, you should thank the One who loves you and desires to show you just how much. I know I will.
Here are some corresponding verses:
Deuterotomy 8:5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.
Psalm 94:12 Blessed is the man you discipline, O LORD, the man you teach from your law;
Psalm 119:75 I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
Proverbs 3:11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,
Proverbs 3:12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
Lamentations 3:39 Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins?
Revelation 3:19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.
OK, I am going to start some dialogue on this because I am at such a loss with how to discipline Luke. He is the most strong-willed and defiant 18 month old I have ever met, and God blessed me with him!
ReplyDeleteHere's an example. How do you get an 18 month old to obey when you tell him to stop hitting you? He does it more when you tell him no, he laughs if you smack his hand (which seems contradictory to me, smack his hand for smacking me...?), spanking doesn't affect him. I just don't know how to discipline him. I've tried to love it out of him, and distract him. And I realized Sunday, based on Pastor Mike's message, I am probably misusing compassion and allowing him to get away with more than I should based on the fact that, "he's just a toddler..." HELP! Anyone?
Allo- I have a very strong willed little man as well. With Jordan we have set up the pack n play in our dining...which is just out of sight from us but I can still hear him. We use it for our time put place. When he hits or does whatever else he goes in there. We set a timer usually just 2-3 minutes. When it goes off I pray with him and remind him we don't hit or whatever then make him say sorry and give me a hug and kiss. This has worked well for us. It is a consequence, he knows he doesn't want time out, we pray so he realizes when we disobey mom and dad we disobey God, and I hug him so he knows we love him even though he messed up. There are days he spends a lot of time there or I will even let him out and he goes right back to doing the same wrong thing but thru he eventually learns....for the moment! Hope this helps. It's just a thought. Try different things and find what works for you. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI spanked my first two, but as I kept asking God to teach me how to be the parent He wanted me to be, I came to realize as you said, Sarah, that is not how He disciplines. When we hit a child for any reason, it teaches them to hit others. Adults can be prosecuted for assaulting one another, but the church somehow believes adults can hit children and it is okay. As He began to teach me His ways, and as I kept seeking Jesus' words to me, it finally became clear, Jesus would never strike anyone to discipline them. He would take them on His lap and take all the time required to talk and explain what was done wrong, and what the consequences would be. I'm glad you are sharing your experiences to help others, by following Titus 2. We need more of that!
ReplyDeleteGreat question Alli!
ReplyDeleteI asked myself a few years ago...
How could "loving" have anything to do with making this precious gift from God feel pain?! After all, isn't "mercy" also something that God shows us over and over, too? Won't they eventually just "get it" if I keep telling them?
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11
Without a doubt, purposely bringing pain into my disobedient child's life is one of the toughest parts of parenting. The promise in Hebrews is comforting though. "A harvest of righteousness" is worth it every time!
Bringing some pain to my disobedient child IS showing "Love" and "Mercy". (What will the harvest be then if my disciplne is INEFFECTIVE?)
What a revelation that was to me.
As hard as it is on us as parents, "pain" is the key. I know that now. It is God's way. That's how he gets OUR attention.
When my child has ignored my verbal instructions, the consequences need to come ASAP and need enough "pain" to teach the child that disobeying again is not worth it.
For a child in diapers, getting eye contact and firmly repeating the instruction, I said,"No" followed by a light smack to the upper thigh brings a little sting that is usually enough. (Please understand that I'm not talking about leaving bruises or getting angry. Which I know you aren't about anyway!) But we do need to bring enough pain to affect a change of behavior in the moment.
Having to do it the first time is hard enough, so having to bring pain multiple times for the same offense just makes it harder on everyone.
So... just aim to make it effective the first time. ;) He may test you later just to be sure you meant it. That's OK, God mercifully and lovingly persists with us as well when we disobey until we "get it".
As Luke gets older, you will find a need for new effective ways of bring pain that correspond to where he is developmentally as spanking seems to lose its "pain factor" rather quickly for most children sometime during adolescence.
But... that's a whole different conversation.:)
Thankful for His grace,
Jacki
I actually do believe that there is a time and a place for spanking. There are times when reasoning with them isn't enough and they need to experience the consequence of their actions. We do not spank often and we do not spank our older kids who are able to reason and have a repentive heart, but we do spank our younger kids who have been warned and choose to disobey anyway. Please know that I do not condone abuse or disciplining out of anger but I do know that the Bible talks about spanking. "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24 I believe that this verse talks specifically about spanking. It needs to be done out of love and with the gentleness of our Father. And yes, I do think that is possible.
ReplyDeleteSara,
ReplyDeleteWanted you to know how much I enjoy your blog. Along with your clear passion to follow God, you have a real gift in written expression and I so appreciate your insights. Keep it up. You are a blessing.
Thank you Jacki, that means so much! You are a wonderful example of a godly mom and wife.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for the advice. This is hard for me. I really didn't think there would be SO much gray area when it came to behavior and discipline with parenting.
ReplyDeleteThere are times when Luke and I are playing (and when we play, we play hard) and he will be excited and hit me on accident. There are other times when he will just look at me and raise his hand at me (not actually hitting me), there are times when he will hit me lightly and when I tell him no, he hits me hard. Do I displine the same way for all of these incidents or do I discipline based on the offense. They all end in the same result, of me being hit, but there seems to be different motive behind it. Do I discipline the motive or the action? BTW, the hitting is just one of many many examples I could give here but is the one that I can say I am struggling with the most right now.
Thanks guys...and thank you Sara for allowing me to use your blog as a forum for help! I appreciate it Sis!